


Lockdown

by DontRememberMe



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: F/M, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-10 03:43:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10428369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontRememberMe/pseuds/DontRememberMe
Summary: A BBXRAE Fanfiction inspired by Amy Lees "Lockdown"~





	

It was late in the Tower and the only person to be awake was Raven as usual. She sat in her Dark room on the floor with her head resting gently on the large glass window that took up the space of a wall with her eyes closed, listening to the low rumble of the thunder and feeling the coldness of the weather outside on her face from the other side of the glass.

Just as she thought she was reclaiming control of herself, a book in her room became encased in black energy and was torn into pieces. It ripped Raven away from her thoughts as she watched the remains of one of her books float gently down to the floor. She became frustrated. She grabbed gently at her hair to try and reclaim her focus but nothing was working.

"I should be stronger than this..." She said in an almost broken voice "I can't do anything, I can't even meditate... I'm going to end up hurting one of them... I can't do that..." She said to herself as a single tear escaped from one of her amethyst eyes

Just as she finished saying that, fear took over, another object in her room was encased in energy and was torn apart. Raven was now becoming afraid, she thought she had control. She grabbed her her cloak with one of her hands as if she was cold and she began to cry silently.

The more she began to lose control, the more out of touch she was with her own reality.

"I knew I should have just stayed away! If I had, my friends wouldn't be in danger because of me! Why did I even show my face from the dark?! She shouted slightly, becoming angry with herself. She started to pull her hair again as if it would help.

"...There's one one thing I can do..." She spoke quietly, coming to a sad realization

With that thought, she stood up slowly, she looked to her bedroom door before exiting her room and began to make her way through the lonely halls.  
She finally made her way to the roof door and opened it to expose her skin to the cold nights weather, giving herself goosebumps that she couldn't even feel, she felt numb... Which would make this experience less painful.  
Another tear slipped from an eye as she walked out into the rain slowly.

"I can't keep pretending I'm okay in front of them... I can't keep my nightmares don't happen every night... I can't keep lying to them every morning when they ask about the noises that wake them in the middle of the night... I can't keep putting them at risk... It'll be my fault if they get hurt..." She said to herself once more as she walks closer and closer to the edge of the tower

She looked down to the long drop that reached the island floor as tears and rain mix with each other on her face.

"This is the only way I can keep them safe..." She says as she puts one foot forward

She closed her eyes and took a breath, thinking about what will be in store for her fate.  
Just as she was about to free fall, a voice spoke. It was full of concern and it was soft, a voice that made her stop what she was doing. A voice that made her feel safe.

"Raven?... What are you doing?..."

She looked to her fellow Titan, feeling ashamed that someone is seeing her in this state... Everyone was supposed to be asleep and she wasn't loud enough to wake anyone, she was merely passing through the halls.  
Some things never get past this Titan though, he had the hearing of an animal and senses like one too... He can pick on things so easily.

"N-Nothing" She stuttered slowly, turning to face him fully

He started to examine her body language, knowing she wasn't alright. She was depressed, disturbed, restless... But this wasn't normal. She normally seems content, quiet and a little sad, but this was on a whole new level.

"Raven, get back from the ledge..." He spoke, trying to have slight authority in his tone

She couldn't help but stare at her friend... The person shes always admired.  
She wanted to do as he said, but the other part of her still wanted to finish what she came up here to do... She didn't want to hurt any of her friends... Especially him.  
She opened her mouth to speak, but she lost her voice. She closed her eyes once more and took a step back towards the ledge.

"Raven... Don't do this..." He spoke, Stepping out the door and into the rains embrace, He held out his gloved hand

To Raven, Beast Boys voice was nothing but and echo in her mind. As she still stood there, the ground beneath their feet began to crack ever so slightly.

"This is too much..." She said to herself, clenching her eyes tighter "I-I can't do this... It's too painful... I can't put my powers or emotions under lockdown..." She said, her hands, now clenched fists by her side

Raven then began to stagger and became slightly limp, weak from the emotional turmoil inside of her head. She fell backwards off the ledge.

"Raven!" He called, launching forward in a failed attempt to grab her

 

I can feel you calling me  
I can see the cracks between these walls  
but this pain;  
I choke on the words as they rise in me  
to survive, I lockdown

 

As Raven falls backwards to her demise, She opens her eyes slightly and her lips curl into a faint smile

"I can't hurt them anymore..." She spoke softly, her smile extending and her tired eyes closing once more as she braced herself for imact with with cold ground.

All she could hear was her friend calling her

"You'll be safe Beast Boy..." She spoke once more

She then suddenly felt all the pain that was flowing through his heart and it almost felt as though the pain was a poison flowing through her. It was bitter. Tears became resurfaced to her face as she was just about to hit the ground when she felt a firm grip on her shoulders that was like the talons of a bird.

 

I can feel you calling me  
I can taste the poison in your heart  
but these dreams; blurring the line between war and peace  
to survive, I lockdown

 

She had no time to protest from the grip she was in and before she knew it, she was back on the tower roof. She landed on the ground, feeling like time re-winded itself and she never jumped off the ledge in the first place. She was in a slight daze at the sudden action.

"Raven, what the hell were you thinking?!" He spoke, now back to his human self "You could have actually killed yourself!"

"That was the plan..." She spoke, broken and defeated

His eyes widened, how could she so this? To her friends... To the team... To him...

"What... Raven, do you know how stupid you just were!" He asked, with slight anger in his tone

"I had to... It's the only way to keep you all... Safe..." She spoke, still not daring to look at his face. Oh how he must hate her now.

"We are safe! Your're not a threat, your our friend!"

"Please don't hate me..." She spoke, tears coming down her cheeks

"I don't hate you, It's just- How can you be so selfish!" he said, shouting at her

"Selfish?" She started, she became slightly angry now "Anything I do, I do for the team! I just want all 4 of you to be safe! Why do you think I always lock myself in my room?!" She said, finally looking to his face and standing up "Go on say it. Say what you really think of me! A freak, a bitch, creepy... I don't care anymore, I'm done!" She spat, still crying "Maybe I should disappear, go through with what I came here to do. Die. I shouldn't of made it past 16 anyway, I'm not supposed to be here. The whole world is safer without my existence, I couldn't even face the world anyway, but I would never be selfish with any of you! I try to do good all the time but it's just pointless! I am a sin and I can't change that!" She finished, feeling adrenaline pump through her veins

Beast Boy became speechless and was at a loss for words. Did she really feel this way? And if so, how long has she been keeping this all in? She wasn't stable and they both knew it.  
Just then, the windows on the tower began to crack.

"Raven, you have to calm down. the windows are cracking." He spoke, trying to control the situation "You need-"

"I need what, just say the words" She interrupted

"Help"

"How can anyone help me... Everything would be the same way it was... I'm still a sin. Help would fix nothing except my ability of control, and even then, I can lose it in a second" She replied, calming down and exhaling, Looking away once more "I'm just... broken... And I'm not going to put any of you at the risk that I break more... Please don't try to fix what you can't" She finished, all anger drained from her system.

She went towards the ledge once more.

 

say the words, I can't face the world  
if I could say the words, everything would be broken still...  
We are broken

 

"Raven no!" He called as she walked closer to where she once was

The ground began to crack again, but only slightly. She could feel that he was about to run after her again.

"Beast Boy, you have to let me go" She spoke before she chanted, making a dark wall of energy between them. She made sure that she completely surrounded him with it.

He started to hit the walls of dark magic like there was everything to lose and called her name over and over again. Tears were now threatening to be released.

"Beast Boy... I'm sorry I've had to put you through this" She began, looking towards him "But I can't live like this... I can't put you or the others at risk anymore... If I chose to live, it will be the most selfish thing I do..." She finished, looking to the long fall once more, pain welling up in her throat

 

I can feel you calling me  
I can see the cracks between these walls  
but this pain;  
I choke on the words as they rise in me  
to survive, I lockdown

 

"Raven... Don't do this!" He said for the second time that night "Raven, If you die, I'll be destroyed. Don't make me have to lose you" He said, putting both hands on the dark energy that stood between them, tears staining his face "Raven, I love you" He confessed, a desperate attempt for her to back away from the ledge

Her eyes widened. He loved her. Doubts then flooded her mind, what if he was just saying that to try and save her out of pity.

"You're just saying that..." She spoke in a dead pan tone, taking a step closer towards the ledge

"Raven, I promise you, I'm not lying just to make you back away from that ledge. I really do love you. I fell in love with you on the first say we met, you said I was funny and I loved how you looked in the sunset, you looked beautiful and I couldn't look away and that's when you stole my heart..."

His heart stopped as he waited for her to respond. She turned to face him and with a wave of her hand, the black energy was gone.  
She looked at him dead in the eyes, she knew he was telling her the truth. But how can this change the fact that he and the others are at risk. Loving her just puts him in more danger.

She wasn't supposed to love or feel, no one was supposed to love her.  
Silence remained between the two as Beast boy watched Raven, he knew whatever she was about to do next would be unpredictable. He had to be ready if she chose to fall again. She could either do that or walk closer to him, or just talk. Either way, he had to be ready.

"I'm not supposed to love or feel, no one is supposed to have feelings for me..." She spoke, not moving

"I can't explain how my heart works but I know what I'm feeling is real. Raven I love you... And if you die, I'll die to. I can't live without you" He spoke as he slowly walked closer to the broke girl

She took a step back cautiously. He stopped in his tracks almost immediately at her movement.

"If I could say what I really wanted to, everything would still be broken. Can't you see that? I can't change anything. I only make things worse..." She said, more tears making themselves known and her voice broken "I can't make up for all the evil that I am, everything remains broken. I can't counter the bad with doing good deeds, It won't work. But now there's you, you make everything better when your around. You somehow make my heart stop. Beast Boy, I'm not supposed to feel or love, but you changed something... You changed it a while ago"

Beast Boy was shocked, she loved him back? He never thought she would like him, let alone love him the same way he loved her.

"Say the words Raven, I know you can" He replied, taking a step closer to her

There was a moment of silence before the words made their way to her throat.

"I love you" She spoke, just then it felt like it was only them in the world as silence fell over them, both still being drenched by the heavens "This changes nothing though..." She continued "...Everything is still broken. I can't be fixed. Things are broken because I can never have complete control. Things are broken because I am a sin. Things are broken because... I'm not supposed to be breathing right now, I was supposed to become lifeless at the age of 16 and I am now 18"

 

say the words, I can't face the world  
if I could say the words, everything would be broken still...  
And I know why.

 

Beast Boy wasn't sure of what to say. He wanted to do something, anything, to make her feel alright again. He knew that there was only one act he can do to save her from the numbness she felt. He made his way to her by her surprise, she thought he would just leave. She didn't realize how much he actually cared for her. He got to her, and stared into her eyes. He noticed all the pain and suffering she felt, the tiredness. He put a gloved hand to her face and cupped it gently and put his other on her waist. He had been dreaming of this moment for so long, he just wished it was under better circumstances. But if this was the only way to save her, he didn't care.  
He leaned in slowly and kissed her lips, both titans closed their eyes. They would have sworn their hearts was going a million miles an hour, but none the less, they both melted into the kiss. They both wanted this but never thought it could have happened. When they eventually parted, Beast Boy spoke in a fragile voice, as if he still felt that he could still lose her.

"Please tell me this is enough..."

Raven stared at him as he leaned his forehead onto hers with his eyes still closed as if dreading the worst answer he could hear, the long pause was killing him slowly on the inside. She was lost in her own thoughts untill she finally spoke.

"It's enough..."

Beast Boy opened his eyes and smiles as he let a tear escape.

"Thank God..." He said as he pulled Raven into a hug before kissing her once more, this time for longer amount of time

This was the best feeling in the world to him right now. He saved her. A thought dawned on him next.

"Raven... What does it make us?..." He asked, placing both hands on her waist.

Oh how he longed to be with her.

Raven slowly closed the space between them and kissed him to give him an answer, wrapping her arms around his neck. He couldn't be happier and Raven felt her broken heart stitch itself and become whole. The unthinkable happened, someone actually loved her.  
The two parted once more and she spoke.

"The second you are in danger, I'm leaving" She spoke as more tears filled her eyes, her facial expression turned to worry

"You can't hurt me..." He said with a slight smile on his lips, and he leaned in to kiss her once more. "The only way you can is if you left me"

He hugged her tight as she did the same in exchange, tears still mixing with rain. This was the first time in a while the two felt true happiness.

"Stay with me tonight?" She asked him, she didn't want to be alone

He smiled and the two retreated back to the tower, they both knew that they were going to be sick by morning by the amount of time they spent in the harsh weather, but they didn't care.

He saved her.


End file.
